Why has "privilege" has become so polarizing?

            I’d like to preface this piece by giving a huge “thank you” to everybody who read my piece, be it on Thought Catalog or on my actual blog. The overwhelmingly positive responses I’ve received have been fantastic, and I’m truly grateful for every single one. However as a newbie freelance writer in the age of technology, I am even more aware that with praise inevitably comes criticism: in this particular instance, it is with my use of the word “privilege”. Before I get into the nitty gritty, let’s define the word at hand.

            Merriam Webster online defines privilege as:

1. A right or benefit that is given to some people and not to others
2. The advantage that wealthy and powerful people have over other people in a society

Upon first glance, both definitions seem to imply something snobbish. The word itself drips with condescendence even when one says it. Though more often than not, privilege is mostly seen as an unfair advantage that one set has over another (and in most cases, it is such), it is not necessarily something that should be held against the advantageous party. So why is it? Why has “privilege” managed to touch the nerves of all who choose to discuss it, advantaged or not? Why has it become just as polarizing as calling somebody a racist?

            The answer is found in a September 2013 Thought Catalog piece written by Kate Menendez titled “Being Privileged is Not a Choice, So Stop Hating Me For It” . Ms. Menendez spends the next 500 words or so explaining why she feels pressure to lie about her lack of student loan debt, the expensive designer suits she purchases (for professional use at her “self-earned internship”), and her need to defend her swanky high-rise digs when she tells people she’s a student living there. Finally, she ends the piece by unapologetically stating that “there is always money in her bank account” but “your situation doesn’t change her situation” and she will “respect your background if you respect hers”.

Therein is where the problem lies. Most people who are fortunate enough to live under the umbrella of privilege for most or all of their lives maintain this same type of victimized attitude, alleging that “it’s not their fault they’re rich”. Ms. Menendez’s piece may have been more persuasive had she not managed to sound like a braggart in the process of trying to garner empathy from her audience. My issue with her piece was not the fact that she is privileged and complaining about it, but the fact that she believes those who are not somehow envy or hate her for having such a fortunate life.

This type of attitude is the reason why “privilege” has become the newest term in the offensive word lexicon. In a society that coddles more often that it confronts, it is no wonder that some who are privileged don’t fully understand its glaring existence that goes unspoken. Nobody is chastising another for living in a luxury apartment or wearing J.Crew suits: material goods are but a miniscule reinforcement privilege. What I and possibly others take issue with is the underlying insecurity that comes with feeling the need to justify these things as unwarranted perks they just so happened to experience.

Ms. Menendez wants her audience to “stop making her feel like she’s done something wrong”, yet nobody has accused her of doing so. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being privileged. However, it’s one thing to consider it a blessing, recognize it as such, and use those lessons as a means to enlighten others on the socio-economic inequalities present in today’s society and it is another to lie about being fortunate in order to compensate for some imaginary prejudice you feels about their financial situation, and essentially claim that being fortunate actually makes YOU a victim. Anybody who is truly understanding of the way the world works will not hold the financial fortune of one’s parents against them: there are poor people in this world, there are extremely rich ones, and there are ones who lie in limbo of these two, or somehow lie in a cross-pollinated version of them. This is a concept that is foreign to many kids of privilege, who believe that being rich somehow means that those who aren’t could never understand the pressures of being upper-middle class, whatever they entail.

Due to America’s lack of comfort with any potentially polarizing topic of interest, privilege is a concept that is neither fully understood, nor fully explained. Society’s fear of talking about “uncomfortable” topics has led to the mutually exclusive views of the word: one is either privileged and naïve of their blessing, or underprivileged and hyperconscious of their lack of it. Because it is a topic that makes some people squeamish, it leads to a subconscious feeling of shame and/or embarrassment on both ends, thus creating the ever-present tension between the fortunate and the less fortunate. If we collectively recognize that those who are fortunate are not always bragging or ungrateful for what they have, it will clear a lot of misconceptions about those who have the power to directly inflict change on their lives and on others. In the same respect, those who are privileged should also recognize that the ones who don’t have as much aren’t envious or un-empathetic-they merely ask you to give your status the same recognition that I do, and to take it in stride, especially if you are not abusing it.

As a society, it’s our job to realize that most times, discomfort in discussion ultimately leads to a path of clarity. The sooner we start talking, the sooner we’ll start understanding how the other half lives.